Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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