It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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