so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
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