dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Randomize
