Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
