I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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