I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
