My Higher Power is John Stamos
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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