just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
