Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
