goodnight i made you a song goodbye
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
