if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
