Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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