My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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