very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
