Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
