I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
