She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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