you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
