Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
