I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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