Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize