To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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