You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize