you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
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