Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
