Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
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