I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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