Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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