you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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