i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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