My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
