It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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