That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
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