You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
how does that bad decision feel?
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
