My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
