your room smells of hookers.
And success
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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