Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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