That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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