So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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