You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
