Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Couch. On fire.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
