It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
