You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
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