ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
