don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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