the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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