hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
