the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
