doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Randomize
