I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
