...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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