none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
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