And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
