She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
