Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
