You're a womanizer and a bitch.
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize