Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
