its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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