He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
