Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
